The First Brush Stroke is the Hardest...

DaVinci (Head of a Woman)

     I remember looking into my son's face just after he was born and thinking that everything I do as a father from this point on will determine who or what he would eventually become. It is a daunting task, because you are so careful and often hesitant to make that first stroke, for when the brush hits the canvas, there is no turning back. So that first brush stroke is the hardest because that will set in motion the final outcome of the work. Can't erase it and you can try to cover it up, but the effects could be too obvious. So you sit back and wonder how you would like it to look. The most frustrating inevitability is that after too long the painting will get a chance to begin to paint itself and all you can hope for at that point is you've laid the basis of the work going forward. I'm sure my parents look at me from time to time and say: "Didn't think he would've turned out like that." Not saying that's a bad thing, just that the ideals we often paint in our minds never really get to make it to the canvas, and quite often what ends up on the canvas, is a whole hell of a lot better than what we could ever have dreamed. Oh... and guess what? It never stops. You are being painted right now as you read this, and I am being painted right now as I type. The process is infinite. Even if you don't want to paint, that choice is what you are painting on somebody RIGHT NOW! OH MY HEAD!!! This is getting into some deep universal thought now boys and girls. Actions and choices that stretch across vast planes of conscious and unconscious processes that manipulate the futures of countless entities tangled in the threads of your astral web of influence.... (BREATHE)... It's true.

Dong Yuan (Song Dynasty)

"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction."

-Sir Isaac Newton

It's real... The choices you make effect the lives and choices of all those around you. Even if it's so minuscule you never notice it. I try my hardest to share a little bit of my wisdom with those around me. My wife would say I'm being sort of pompous for imposing my thoughts and opinions on others, and maybe she is right, but an honest opposition can be the catalyst for a change in direction. You will never change the person that you are, but the slightest brush stroke could alter the outcome of the magnum opus vitae. 

Gustav Klimt (The Kiss)

The time is now... The paints aren't always the finest quality... The canvas may be tattered and torn... But... To be a great friend, lover, spouse, mentor, or parent is all we need. The riches of hard work, love, and happiness are all the that drives true passion to live each day for the success of that final masterpiece. Pick up the brush... Find the canvas... and paint!! Oh, and don't be afraid to let those you love in life add to the amazing work of art that is YOU. 

I love you all my friends... Work hard, play hard, love hard...

di Michelino (Fresco from "La Divina Commedia")

Salvador Dali (Galatea of the Spheres)

van Gogh (Starry Night)

Build a bridge...

It is amazing to me that in the short time that I will be inhabiting this earth the amount of joy one can strip from life. Small victories are the key... I mean, just hold a door, greet someone with a smile, or just seek somebody out whom you haven't seen or talked to in a while and you immediately feel energized. What is life if not to be fully engrossed in the art of interaction. I love to try to thank everyone I see on a daily basis in a small way just to see their reaction... It's funny, but my time in Jersey has provided some interesting responses. Yesterday I was at the deli getting some thin sliced pastrami (drool) and swiss so I could make myself a sexy hot sandwich, and every time the "deli-master", or what ever the proper term may be, initiated conversation, I responded in a uber-polite manner... This kat, I think, thought I was high. He just smirked and responded "OK?"... At the end of our transaction, I offered my hand for a handshake and a thank you... When did normal human interaction become such a lost art... I think he thought I was an asshole. Amazing. Then again most people I meet I feel think I'm an arrogant fool. My grandfather taught me this art very well, and I feel that the practice of humanity has been lost somewhere. I care so at times I can be blunt, does this make someone an asshole? I don't know... We can all be a bit judgmental at times I feel, myself included. I am more turned to the darkside by those that practice a disrespectful nature on a regular basis... I'm never going to be liked by every person I meet, but it doesn't mean I don't care... I was given wonderful tutelage by an excellent grandfather on how to "be"... I have a small example that just happened to me today...

    I reached out to a sales rep today, just for a few simple questions I wished to be answered... It turned out this rep was in the midst of a very unfortunate personal matter and when it was explained to me through text messaging, I became very emotionally distressed... Why? I have very little interaction with this person, I am not privy to anything in their personal life, and I am just an Assistant, I don't even deal with said person... So why? Because... because I have an attachment to this person on a professional and respect-bound basis... Literally, I welled up and my heart hurts for "my friend"... This is what I like to think "personal investment" is... To attach yourself to those directly or indirectly in your life... Invested interest in people and the humanization of every aspect of life... The highs with this practice are HIGH, an the lows are low, but as Chuck Palahniuk says in his book  Invisible Monsters:

"The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open."

You have to have a little faith in humanity, or you're just a fool... One day somebody will risk it and make me a leader of men on a golf course.... To those people I say: "I won't disappoint you." 

We thrive and prosper due to the fact we can interact on such a high plain of cerebral existence. It's what makes waking up each day the greatest feeling in the world. I have a whole other chance to see what the day has to offer.. We all have the penchant to be assholes, and I'm not perfect in any way....

"Perfection is unattainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence." -Vince Lombardi

I love you all, my friends... Work hard, Play hard, Love hard.....

What's a Legacy?

leg•a•cy (ˈlɛg ə si) 

n., pl. -cies, 
adj. n.

1. (in a will) a gift of property, esp. personal property, as money; bequest.

2. anything handed down from the past, as from an ancestor or predecessor.

3. Obs. the office, function, or commission of a legate.

4. a student at or applicant to a college that was attended by his or her parent.

adj.

5. of or pertaining to old or outdated computer hardware, software, or data that, while still functional, does not work well with up-to-date systems.

     This holiday season has brought with it memories of holidays past... I remember the elation of being a child during the season of hope and purity. Embracing the love and tradition of the generations gathering to celebrate their legacy. To witness the unbridled joy given to by spouses, parents, children, grandchildren, etc etc... To see the gap in age disappear as The Carpenters and Johnny Mathis sing of holiday cheer, or as Bing Crosby opens his Connecticut Inn to celebrate the legacy of our fore fathers. Games and conversation, Manhattans and Martinis, beers and Crispix Mix, kisses under the mistletoe and hugs just to be close... What is the holidays if not to continue the passing down of joy, hope, belief, love, and togetherness of family and friends... the legacy continues... 


     I understand why now. Why my parents sacrifice so much for my brother and I, because at the end of the day, like Chuck Palahniuk writes: "You're not your job, you're not how much money you have in the bank, you're not the car you drive, you're not the contents of your wallet, you're not your f**kin' khakis..." I'm pretty sure Chuck was referring to a different concept, but for the sake of this, I using it to illustrate the effect a child has on your life. The ideal that we pass to our children the best things we remember from our parents and grandparents. To pass the virtues and sacrifices to them so that they may remember the best things about you and continue the cycle. The stories and reminiscing about the larger than life characters you portray of your parents and grandparents. They are beings that hung the moon and forged mountains with their bare hands. Their roar deafened and struck fear into Titans. They hugged tightly and their love melted glaciers.  They chiseled you into the man/woman you are today. I know not all people have the pleasure of having parents that carve patience, integrity and accountability, and mold morality and tolerance into a child, and then release them to a world of prejudice, intolerance, corruption, and laziness. Tools that one need to deflect and succeed. Tools that I try to pass down to my children.

     So I define Legacy as the steps I take in life to show my parents and grandparents that they succeeded. I want my legacy to my children and all the people I try to touch on a daily basis to be that of a genuine nature. To try to show that hard work, honesty, accountability, patience, passion, and sacrifice will always be the longer way to succeed in life, but that it also builds a stronger base so that when times get tough, you NEVER crumble under the weight. Look back to remember, but push forward to be remembered. 
    I love my mother and father... They have totally different styles when it comes to "dealing" with me... Thank you... I cherish the unconditional love, and I appreciate the constant "kicks in the ass", because I may not be wealthy monetarily, but you can bet your ass, I have the wealth of character, the strength of mind and the liver of a German- Swede... I love my pride... I stew in  my arrogance... I bathe in my depravity... But I live in my humility... The people I have had the pleasure of sharing times with in my life are few and fortuitous... From my excellent mother who taught me the pleasures of life, to my father who taught me how to achieve those pleasure, with blood and sweat, to my strength Douglas Hill, (sorry to name drop), but aside from the power that is Roland Swanson, Doug  Hill is part of the blood that pumps through my veins... If my father is the foundation of me, then Doug is the pillar.. To my friend Aaron Carlisle Benson... Where ever you are now, you have  pushed your legacy of good will and acceptance to me, to my friend Bert Fletcher, who showed me that a good time is what you make of the time you have... To the "Loki" of my life Michael Corbin... The man who taught me to enjoy the fruits of life that only a man can enjoy, to live each moment as you wished it, not as others saw fit... To Dutch Nonnenberg... Who taught me a loving touch and a caring nature spread farther than the mind could ever imagine... To my Brother Michael Swanson, who showed me growing up is one ass kick away from hitting rock bottom... To my wife who found me at rock bottom, and showed me success is a long, vertical, painful climb, that only gets sweeter the more you overcome you own personal limitations to find you can achieve anything... She let me care for a step-son who showed me that "handicap" is only if you let it be a handicap... Let me watch a step-daughter grow into one of the finest women I've ever known in my life... and gave me a son that, let me see that true love, is only one blink away, from being the only thing you've ever known... 



My legacy is the Grandfather Swanson, that tamed beasts with the melody of a whistle and loved his family with a smile and embrace that could destroy planets... The Grandmother Swanson, that cradled all 20+ grandchildren and 10+ great-grandchildren effortlessly... a women who sacrificed moments of her life watching the man she created that legacy with, wither away, but never losing hope or showing the slightest bit of weakness to her family, as Alzheimer's took her husband... My legacy is the Grandfather Short, who bent the wills of men with his voice and handshake... Who dedicated himself to his family and charity... Who taught me that the only way you could fail in life, is giving up... A laugh that took broke the strength of men and brought them to their knees, a handshake that was bound with integrity, honesty, devotion, and a ferocity to drive forward... a hug that forged steel and molded men... 
My Elaine... My fortune... gave me two uncles that pushed me to look beyond the walls of normal childhood... Uncles that never pushed me aside or told me to leave... Jeff... Kevin... Men... that saw a child of wonder and nurtured the SH*T out of it...
A Grandmother Short, that arose from the ashes as a Phoenix...  Devout... Showed me that belief can carry the strongest of us over the greatest obstacles... Showed me that forgiveness is more than just a word, but the foundation of love... 

A mother...... How does this begin? Where does this end? It doesn't... The words you try to find for the being that carried you in her body for 9 months, then carried you in her heart for a lifetime, is impossible... The woman who punished then cried, whom hugged then laughed, whom never let you go, no matter how far you moved from her... To say you know how to thank a person like Diane Swanson, would be a lie... You can only pray that a woman like that can understand...

The saying: "A man will always marry a woman like his mother."

Yeah... That sh*t is true... My wife is awesome!!! Never go against the women you love...

This is why I call it Golf... I love all you mutants that read my action!!!! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! Thank You!

To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you lived. This is to have succeeded.Ralph Waldo Emerson