Angel of my Life...

     What is the true meaning of success? Happiness? We all know there is no one answer to this question. We all view them in completely different lights. Whether you want fame, fortune, health, family, etc. The list has many inputs, but gratefully, I can answer those questions for myself.

     I have had so many different points in my life where I have felt successful, where I have been overwhelmed with happiness, and today is another landmark day.

     Let me start by telling you a story. A tale that is still being written as you read this, and it's about an angel. She was very little when I first met her, just about 6, and I was a lost young man still in my early 20's and just about to hit to bottom. I had made a move looking to continue my education in golf and the pieces I needed, just weren't falling my way. I had just started dating the most amazing women, and she had this angel. Of course for some reason life always has this great way of testing your resolve, putting you in situations where the descisions you make will shape the way you mature. My housing fell through, my money was slim, and my future was hazy at best, but this woman found it acceptable to bring  this lost boy into her home. I had only known this majestic woman for 2 months and now we were living together, with her two children may I add. This little angel, this young girl, changed everything for me. It was the first time since living with my parents I had felt unconditional love. It is unorthodox for an immature and nieve boy, like I was, to wake up and become a man. Immediately I stopped the bad habits and feeling victimized, because it wasn't just me anymore. I had 3 lives, other than my own, that relied on me for support, nurturing, and love. I dove in head first, oblivious to what needed to be done. None of that mattered, because I was needed. Life had a meaning. So tiny, this angel was, who would curl up on my chest to fall asleep. I was hypnotized. She cried at night and I ran to her. There is a comfort in being needed that out weighs every selfish thought you have. They slowly felt like they were mine, and nothing was going to take that from me. 

     

     Days, weeks, and months all turned to years. We were never a family with financial stability, but our family was strong. I married that amazing woman, had a son, and that angel did everything to help raise him and her older brother, whom fights with being mentally challanged. She was asked to grow up fast, she was burdened with the mantle of being the leader of the family, while my wife and I worked to keep afloat. Not a second thought, never questioned her role, and she helped hold our family together. As my career began to take shape, and we all know that in the Golf Course business, having the ability or desire to move where work is, is almost a must. I uprooted her from everything she knew growing up, a 1000 miles away, to a strange land that she was told was for a better life. Again, never a second thought and never a question, just helped anyway she could to keep the family together. When I went back to college to finally finish my schooling, I was separated from my family for 20 weeks, and though it was tough, she just kept going. She helped keep the family together. By this time she had grown and blossomed into this amazing young lady, who owned everthing about her future. An honor student, A.P. classes, full schedule of Honors courses, all in preparation for her jump to college after her senior year. A working girl, while balancing a insane school schedule, a boy-friend and her role in the family circle. Things that a young woman shouldn't have to worry about, and just enjoy being young and in-love.  But it just couldn't be that easy for her, her highschool career wasn't going to have a fairytale ending like it should have, because my career came calling once again, and a move had to be made. Haven't I done enough to disrupt this poor angels life. I tried to hold out, tried to let her enjoy the experience of being a normal teenage girl. Now I had to make the move alone to start. School is still in session and I need to be at my new job. Again I have to ask too much, and again never a second thought, never a question, and this time she had plans of her own.

     

     Without being pressured, she desided to make her own fairytale ending to her highschool career.  Telling her I would try my hardest to stay and let her graduate with her friends, with all that falling through, she stepped up and found a way. Duel enrollment. She would take classes through the local community college to earn enough credits to graduate a year early, and finish highschool the way she planned. I well-up with emotion just typing those words. What an absolutely amazing young woman. What a strong, confident, and independent woman. I can count on one hand the moments in life I have felt complete amazement. Marriage, child birth, college graduation, and now I can add the resolve and perserverance of my angel. The ability at that age to look into a situation with that magnitude, not be happy with the eventual outcome, and alter the outcome to your favor by NOT accepting failure. ASTOUNDING!!! I was so proud, as a parent in that moment, and to do it with only 2 months preparation. 

     My angel, Hannah Elise Benton, will graduate from highschool on HER terms. She rocked the SAT, she put her head down and applied to colleges, and today she received her first acceptance letter (One of many I forsee). She is an inspiration to me. She is my Buddha, my little bean, my princess, and my Angel. She is my frustration at times and my loss of sleep. She is my rock. She is one of three of the best decisions I've ever made in life. She is my daughter....

     A man who can raise a family in the golf course business, knows that the family has to be onboard, because most of the time the family comes, seemingly second, to the 200 acre canvas that is a golf course. They are always, and will always be first to me, that is why I do what I do. That is why I live 200 miles away from them and only see them 4 days a month. That's why I work 28 days without a day off, just to see them. They will make the move to follow me in late June. I CAN'T WAIT!!  The commitment it strenuous...... The rewards..... are forever!!! And they call it golf.

I love you all my friends... Work hard... play hard... love hard.

Et tu Brute?

     I find that when the mood strikes me to write, I'm always writing about topics that are related to relationships within life and find myself never truly inspired to discuss terms and events that revolve around the golf turf industry (i.e. fertilization techniques, proper diagnosis of irrigation uniformity in the various microclimates that exist on the golf landscape, etc.). There are tons of guys putting those out, and most have PHD's.  But you should never turn away good inspiration... which leads me to our topic for this post.

Morte di Giulio Cesare ("Death of Julius Caesar"). By Vincenzo Camuccini, 1798

   
     On this day, The Ides of March, in 44 B.C. Julius Caesar was assassinated, forever labeling this day as an act of cowardice and great deceit. Caesar's declaration by the Senate as dictator of the Roman Republic created an unrest with minority senators and they feared that he would attempt to overthrow the Senate and bring a tyrannical rule to the republic. The plot by Cassius and Brutus would prove detrimental to their cause, for the assassination of Caesar would go on the spark a civil war and the eventual Principate Era of the Roman Empire.

"Ok Jeff, so you brought us here for a history lesson?"

Not so much. But it does make the 5 years of Latin I took starting in 8th grade and highschool seem to be useful, but alas NO. More as a lesson to be learned from history. How many times have you been around a dominating figure that seem to push new, wild ideas on to you, or watched them push them on other people? Kind of annoying, right? Or inspiring? This is a lesson that I learned early on. The truth is there will always be somebody smarter than you somewhere in the world, or maybe just more adept to sharing and integrating new thoughts and practices. Human nature sees this "Ferryman" in two lights, one being illuminating and warm, while the other is blinding and burns. You either jump aboard or plot to sink it. You know the feelings... insecurity, fear, unrest, hate, being overshadowed or being outshined. You want to watch them fail so life goes back to normal. Your paradigm has be distorted and the uncomfortable feeling of change is all around you. Do you plot or do you wait? In my experience the plotters never win. "A" it shows something about your character that isn't very pleasing and "B" if you are that worried about it, than you need to step back and see what you AREN'T bringing to the table that has you focusing so much on others. I always say to new guys coming in that they can ask me anything, bring anything to the table they feel could help, and they will get the praise. I have been in too many situations where guys in my position have gone to great lengths to hold me down. Whether trying to slander my character or bring my mistakes to light, people who feel threatened can cause a lot of hurt to those who just mean well. So I embrace, nurture, and help the best I can to make those with good intentions grow. We all have our moments of weakness, but we build a bridge, plus if they can outwork me and prove they are better fit for the job, then I deserve to get outshined, because I obviously have not put the effort in to maintain my dominance in the workplace.
     "Et tu Brute?"
Don't be that enigmatic person. Be the person whose light attracts others. Put your knowledge and experience out there for all to feed off of and become stronger. There is only so much we can offer to the few people we have any influence over in life, so why not offer up the best that you have. Good habits, good advice, and a warm smile... Be the guide for those who wish to follow. There is nothing more rewarding in this world than to succeed through others. I have been lucky enough in my life to take what I have learned, been successful, and paid that forward to all those that wish it. My children are a shining example of that. My journey for knowledge is only at the beginning. I graduate from Rutgers Professional Golf Turf Management School in 5 days and what a journey it has been. I tear up a bit to type those words. 17 year in Golf Turf I have worked and I think of all the times I have fallen flat on my face in life, all the times I have made mistakes, all the trials..... I've dusted off each time, and I let nothing stop me, nor should you.

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”― Dr. Seuss

I love you all my friends... Work hard, Play hard, Love hard.

The First Brush Stroke is the Hardest...

DaVinci (Head of a Woman)

     I remember looking into my son's face just after he was born and thinking that everything I do as a father from this point on will determine who or what he would eventually become. It is a daunting task, because you are so careful and often hesitant to make that first stroke, for when the brush hits the canvas, there is no turning back. So that first brush stroke is the hardest because that will set in motion the final outcome of the work. Can't erase it and you can try to cover it up, but the effects could be too obvious. So you sit back and wonder how you would like it to look. The most frustrating inevitability is that after too long the painting will get a chance to begin to paint itself and all you can hope for at that point is you've laid the basis of the work going forward. I'm sure my parents look at me from time to time and say: "Didn't think he would've turned out like that." Not saying that's a bad thing, just that the ideals we often paint in our minds never really get to make it to the canvas, and quite often what ends up on the canvas, is a whole hell of a lot better than what we could ever have dreamed. Oh... and guess what? It never stops. You are being painted right now as you read this, and I am being painted right now as I type. The process is infinite. Even if you don't want to paint, that choice is what you are painting on somebody RIGHT NOW! OH MY HEAD!!! This is getting into some deep universal thought now boys and girls. Actions and choices that stretch across vast planes of conscious and unconscious processes that manipulate the futures of countless entities tangled in the threads of your astral web of influence.... (BREATHE)... It's true.

Dong Yuan (Song Dynasty)

"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction."

-Sir Isaac Newton

It's real... The choices you make effect the lives and choices of all those around you. Even if it's so minuscule you never notice it. I try my hardest to share a little bit of my wisdom with those around me. My wife would say I'm being sort of pompous for imposing my thoughts and opinions on others, and maybe she is right, but an honest opposition can be the catalyst for a change in direction. You will never change the person that you are, but the slightest brush stroke could alter the outcome of the magnum opus vitae. 

Gustav Klimt (The Kiss)

The time is now... The paints aren't always the finest quality... The canvas may be tattered and torn... But... To be a great friend, lover, spouse, mentor, or parent is all we need. The riches of hard work, love, and happiness are all the that drives true passion to live each day for the success of that final masterpiece. Pick up the brush... Find the canvas... and paint!! Oh, and don't be afraid to let those you love in life add to the amazing work of art that is YOU. 

I love you all my friends... Work hard, play hard, love hard...

di Michelino (Fresco from "La Divina Commedia")

Salvador Dali (Galatea of the Spheres)

van Gogh (Starry Night)

How do you want your J.L. Swanson prepared?

Before I get a backlash, we all know I went with this picture to add a little sex appeal to this blog... HEY! I gotta try to find a way to get people to actually want to care about the stuff I write. But as usual I digress... To the MEAT of this post...

Anyway... How do you package yourself to prospective employers... This is the biggest challenge in the professional world today. At any given point we could be competing with anywhere from a 100 to 1000's of people applying for the same position. Personally I like my odds in a "Thunderdome" style elimination process. But sadly that doesn't count in this situation. I recently read a blog post on Turfnet about 8 things to consider when preparing a resume. Now the thing that really stuck with me about it, was the suggestion to shorten your resume to a condensed for forgoing most bullets and achievement, but to rely more on the job title, place worked, and years served... What sucks about this is any company name, or in the turf world circumstance, course name, can really have an affect on the consideration of employment. Fair? Not always, but real, yes... To have the ability to stick a Pebble Beach, TPC Sawgrass, Bethpage, Augusta, Baltustrol, etc etc, can really hold sway over the process of narrowing down applicants... So, now the question is, how does J.L. Swanson take his less than notable course resume, and package it for success? Well, I believe that the next factor would have to be based on variety and experience. I got that if I can elaborate a bit on my resume. Leader of men, motivator, persistent, a problem-solver, solution oriented, accountable, but we've seen these things and more a thousand times. But in defense of the blog piece, maybe elaborating is a negative? If the employers reading resumes, they'll probably read the same crap on every resume. Can't you see a committee, or individual reading the first few sentences, rolling their eyes, opening up the document seeing the name Augusta and moving to the "Good" pile, doing the same to the next, seeing Blah Golf Course and whipping it to the recycle bin. Yup... You know it. So what then? If I shorten it up, I lose the bulk of my presentation. If I over saturate it I lose my flavor. They're task to find the perfect fit has them rifling through a mountain of resumes... I would have to say from talking to some (I emphasize some) assistants at top courses, they are just waiting for their turn to be on the plate, a little arrogant, seen it done at the top, and thinking that they have a lock on how it needs to be done. But the little guy, the guy in the wake of all this, he's hungry. He thinks outside the box, reinvents himself to accommodate the needs of those variables around himself. He's seen the mistakes, the pressure of having to make a monetary decision based on limited funds, seen the least expensive route to achieve an ultimate goal, implemented an IPM program to scout for demons in the shadows, and held a crews morale together in the heat of disarray. When you drag yourself through the mud, and assume the mantle of leadership in a less privileged arena, the blood tastes more metallic, the sweat is saltier, and the muscle is leaner. Victory tastes sweeter and faltering is more bitter. The job becomes an earned blessing, not an expected result. This is the difference between me and most other wannabe superintendents. I have been lucky enough to have two men in the agronomy business whom have mentored me with honesty and nurtured my talents, while communicating my areas of growth.. Will I always succeed on a daily basis? No and to say I would represents true arrogance. Instead I will face each day with a mantra I share with each and every person I know. "Prepare for the worst, hope for the best, work with a thirst, and love hard today but harder the next." We exist on this plain to ensure the success of our legacy. Everything I do, I do thinking of my grandchildren... Don't have any yet (thank god), and I'll never be ready, but to think you can set an expectation on variables you have no control over is a falsehood. Stop... Close your eyes... Breathe deep...  and smile, your still breathing... The path to true success and happiness can only be carved by you. Never back track... Allow yourself to fall every now and again, but get up... If you need to rest, do it for only a moment, maintain momentum, you'll need it to push forward... I have faith in myself to dredge though the mire... If I have to bring a few of you with me, than so be it... Just hold on tight, because I try to never look back for too long... OH and go ahead and take a bite... I usually grill up perfect to your order... ;)

I love you all, my friends.... Work hard, Play hard, Love hard...

What's a Legacy?

leg•a•cy (ˈlɛg ə si) 

n., pl. -cies, 
adj. n.

1. (in a will) a gift of property, esp. personal property, as money; bequest.

2. anything handed down from the past, as from an ancestor or predecessor.

3. Obs. the office, function, or commission of a legate.

4. a student at or applicant to a college that was attended by his or her parent.

adj.

5. of or pertaining to old or outdated computer hardware, software, or data that, while still functional, does not work well with up-to-date systems.

     This holiday season has brought with it memories of holidays past... I remember the elation of being a child during the season of hope and purity. Embracing the love and tradition of the generations gathering to celebrate their legacy. To witness the unbridled joy given to by spouses, parents, children, grandchildren, etc etc... To see the gap in age disappear as The Carpenters and Johnny Mathis sing of holiday cheer, or as Bing Crosby opens his Connecticut Inn to celebrate the legacy of our fore fathers. Games and conversation, Manhattans and Martinis, beers and Crispix Mix, kisses under the mistletoe and hugs just to be close... What is the holidays if not to continue the passing down of joy, hope, belief, love, and togetherness of family and friends... the legacy continues... 


     I understand why now. Why my parents sacrifice so much for my brother and I, because at the end of the day, like Chuck Palahniuk writes: "You're not your job, you're not how much money you have in the bank, you're not the car you drive, you're not the contents of your wallet, you're not your f**kin' khakis..." I'm pretty sure Chuck was referring to a different concept, but for the sake of this, I using it to illustrate the effect a child has on your life. The ideal that we pass to our children the best things we remember from our parents and grandparents. To pass the virtues and sacrifices to them so that they may remember the best things about you and continue the cycle. The stories and reminiscing about the larger than life characters you portray of your parents and grandparents. They are beings that hung the moon and forged mountains with their bare hands. Their roar deafened and struck fear into Titans. They hugged tightly and their love melted glaciers.  They chiseled you into the man/woman you are today. I know not all people have the pleasure of having parents that carve patience, integrity and accountability, and mold morality and tolerance into a child, and then release them to a world of prejudice, intolerance, corruption, and laziness. Tools that one need to deflect and succeed. Tools that I try to pass down to my children.

     So I define Legacy as the steps I take in life to show my parents and grandparents that they succeeded. I want my legacy to my children and all the people I try to touch on a daily basis to be that of a genuine nature. To try to show that hard work, honesty, accountability, patience, passion, and sacrifice will always be the longer way to succeed in life, but that it also builds a stronger base so that when times get tough, you NEVER crumble under the weight. Look back to remember, but push forward to be remembered. 
    I love my mother and father... They have totally different styles when it comes to "dealing" with me... Thank you... I cherish the unconditional love, and I appreciate the constant "kicks in the ass", because I may not be wealthy monetarily, but you can bet your ass, I have the wealth of character, the strength of mind and the liver of a German- Swede... I love my pride... I stew in  my arrogance... I bathe in my depravity... But I live in my humility... The people I have had the pleasure of sharing times with in my life are few and fortuitous... From my excellent mother who taught me the pleasures of life, to my father who taught me how to achieve those pleasure, with blood and sweat, to my strength Douglas Hill, (sorry to name drop), but aside from the power that is Roland Swanson, Doug  Hill is part of the blood that pumps through my veins... If my father is the foundation of me, then Doug is the pillar.. To my friend Aaron Carlisle Benson... Where ever you are now, you have  pushed your legacy of good will and acceptance to me, to my friend Bert Fletcher, who showed me that a good time is what you make of the time you have... To the "Loki" of my life Michael Corbin... The man who taught me to enjoy the fruits of life that only a man can enjoy, to live each moment as you wished it, not as others saw fit... To Dutch Nonnenberg... Who taught me a loving touch and a caring nature spread farther than the mind could ever imagine... To my Brother Michael Swanson, who showed me growing up is one ass kick away from hitting rock bottom... To my wife who found me at rock bottom, and showed me success is a long, vertical, painful climb, that only gets sweeter the more you overcome you own personal limitations to find you can achieve anything... She let me care for a step-son who showed me that "handicap" is only if you let it be a handicap... Let me watch a step-daughter grow into one of the finest women I've ever known in my life... and gave me a son that, let me see that true love, is only one blink away, from being the only thing you've ever known... 



My legacy is the Grandfather Swanson, that tamed beasts with the melody of a whistle and loved his family with a smile and embrace that could destroy planets... The Grandmother Swanson, that cradled all 20+ grandchildren and 10+ great-grandchildren effortlessly... a women who sacrificed moments of her life watching the man she created that legacy with, wither away, but never losing hope or showing the slightest bit of weakness to her family, as Alzheimer's took her husband... My legacy is the Grandfather Short, who bent the wills of men with his voice and handshake... Who dedicated himself to his family and charity... Who taught me that the only way you could fail in life, is giving up... A laugh that took broke the strength of men and brought them to their knees, a handshake that was bound with integrity, honesty, devotion, and a ferocity to drive forward... a hug that forged steel and molded men... 
My Elaine... My fortune... gave me two uncles that pushed me to look beyond the walls of normal childhood... Uncles that never pushed me aside or told me to leave... Jeff... Kevin... Men... that saw a child of wonder and nurtured the SH*T out of it...
A Grandmother Short, that arose from the ashes as a Phoenix...  Devout... Showed me that belief can carry the strongest of us over the greatest obstacles... Showed me that forgiveness is more than just a word, but the foundation of love... 

A mother...... How does this begin? Where does this end? It doesn't... The words you try to find for the being that carried you in her body for 9 months, then carried you in her heart for a lifetime, is impossible... The woman who punished then cried, whom hugged then laughed, whom never let you go, no matter how far you moved from her... To say you know how to thank a person like Diane Swanson, would be a lie... You can only pray that a woman like that can understand...

The saying: "A man will always marry a woman like his mother."

Yeah... That sh*t is true... My wife is awesome!!! Never go against the women you love...

This is why I call it Golf... I love all you mutants that read my action!!!! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! Thank You!

To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you lived. This is to have succeeded.Ralph Waldo Emerson