Angel of my Life...

     What is the true meaning of success? Happiness? We all know there is no one answer to this question. We all view them in completely different lights. Whether you want fame, fortune, health, family, etc. The list has many inputs, but gratefully, I can answer those questions for myself.

     I have had so many different points in my life where I have felt successful, where I have been overwhelmed with happiness, and today is another landmark day.

     Let me start by telling you a story. A tale that is still being written as you read this, and it's about an angel. She was very little when I first met her, just about 6, and I was a lost young man still in my early 20's and just about to hit to bottom. I had made a move looking to continue my education in golf and the pieces I needed, just weren't falling my way. I had just started dating the most amazing women, and she had this angel. Of course for some reason life always has this great way of testing your resolve, putting you in situations where the descisions you make will shape the way you mature. My housing fell through, my money was slim, and my future was hazy at best, but this woman found it acceptable to bring  this lost boy into her home. I had only known this majestic woman for 2 months and now we were living together, with her two children may I add. This little angel, this young girl, changed everything for me. It was the first time since living with my parents I had felt unconditional love. It is unorthodox for an immature and nieve boy, like I was, to wake up and become a man. Immediately I stopped the bad habits and feeling victimized, because it wasn't just me anymore. I had 3 lives, other than my own, that relied on me for support, nurturing, and love. I dove in head first, oblivious to what needed to be done. None of that mattered, because I was needed. Life had a meaning. So tiny, this angel was, who would curl up on my chest to fall asleep. I was hypnotized. She cried at night and I ran to her. There is a comfort in being needed that out weighs every selfish thought you have. They slowly felt like they were mine, and nothing was going to take that from me. 

     

     Days, weeks, and months all turned to years. We were never a family with financial stability, but our family was strong. I married that amazing woman, had a son, and that angel did everything to help raise him and her older brother, whom fights with being mentally challanged. She was asked to grow up fast, she was burdened with the mantle of being the leader of the family, while my wife and I worked to keep afloat. Not a second thought, never questioned her role, and she helped hold our family together. As my career began to take shape, and we all know that in the Golf Course business, having the ability or desire to move where work is, is almost a must. I uprooted her from everything she knew growing up, a 1000 miles away, to a strange land that she was told was for a better life. Again, never a second thought and never a question, just helped anyway she could to keep the family together. When I went back to college to finally finish my schooling, I was separated from my family for 20 weeks, and though it was tough, she just kept going. She helped keep the family together. By this time she had grown and blossomed into this amazing young lady, who owned everthing about her future. An honor student, A.P. classes, full schedule of Honors courses, all in preparation for her jump to college after her senior year. A working girl, while balancing a insane school schedule, a boy-friend and her role in the family circle. Things that a young woman shouldn't have to worry about, and just enjoy being young and in-love.  But it just couldn't be that easy for her, her highschool career wasn't going to have a fairytale ending like it should have, because my career came calling once again, and a move had to be made. Haven't I done enough to disrupt this poor angels life. I tried to hold out, tried to let her enjoy the experience of being a normal teenage girl. Now I had to make the move alone to start. School is still in session and I need to be at my new job. Again I have to ask too much, and again never a second thought, never a question, and this time she had plans of her own.

     

     Without being pressured, she desided to make her own fairytale ending to her highschool career.  Telling her I would try my hardest to stay and let her graduate with her friends, with all that falling through, she stepped up and found a way. Duel enrollment. She would take classes through the local community college to earn enough credits to graduate a year early, and finish highschool the way she planned. I well-up with emotion just typing those words. What an absolutely amazing young woman. What a strong, confident, and independent woman. I can count on one hand the moments in life I have felt complete amazement. Marriage, child birth, college graduation, and now I can add the resolve and perserverance of my angel. The ability at that age to look into a situation with that magnitude, not be happy with the eventual outcome, and alter the outcome to your favor by NOT accepting failure. ASTOUNDING!!! I was so proud, as a parent in that moment, and to do it with only 2 months preparation. 

     My angel, Hannah Elise Benton, will graduate from highschool on HER terms. She rocked the SAT, she put her head down and applied to colleges, and today she received her first acceptance letter (One of many I forsee). She is an inspiration to me. She is my Buddha, my little bean, my princess, and my Angel. She is my frustration at times and my loss of sleep. She is my rock. She is one of three of the best decisions I've ever made in life. She is my daughter....

     A man who can raise a family in the golf course business, knows that the family has to be onboard, because most of the time the family comes, seemingly second, to the 200 acre canvas that is a golf course. They are always, and will always be first to me, that is why I do what I do. That is why I live 200 miles away from them and only see them 4 days a month. That's why I work 28 days without a day off, just to see them. They will make the move to follow me in late June. I CAN'T WAIT!!  The commitment it strenuous...... The rewards..... are forever!!! And they call it golf.

I love you all my friends... Work hard... play hard... love hard.

The Grass will ALWAYS be Greener...

     It has been nearly 6 months since I last posted, and SO much has changed in such a little time. For starters I'm clean shaven for the first time since I was 18 and I'm growing my hair back out for the first time in almost as long. I also want to take a moment to apologize for some of my ignorance in some of my previous posts. I have been on this war path for so long about the difference between the guys that work at top name clubs and guys that work the more blue collared tracks, saying that it shouldn't matter where you come from as long as you can do the job that needs done... This was a folly on my part. I wanted to believe that I was being groomed and grooming myself to be successful in this business, that all I needed was a chance to shine and all would be proven... What a fool... A naive and arrogant fool... There is a definitive separation between the two, and that is evident now that I have an Assistants position at golf course that operates on that high level. Details.. Oh man is it night and day, as well as a swift kick to the ego... I have always loved golf turf, and equally, I have always loved my clientele, these values haven't change. Instead I now realize that the two are not mutually exclusive, they are one. To strive for perfection in the industry of golf, you must strive for not only the healthiest turf, but, also deliver the best playing conditions for the sole purpose to promote the game of golf and provide the highest level of clientele satisfaction on a DAILY basis. I was told that the difference between a Agronomic Superintendent and a Golf Course Superintendent, is one focuses on turf health and sustainability, while the other focuses on those, as well as the clientele's experience. By experience I don't mean how they played, I mean, is every last detail attended to? Course length fair to weather conditions, pin placements and tee markers corresponding to mix up a different feel from hole to hole, day to day? Are bunkers prepped? Rakes clean and placed neatly? Benches for sitting? Are they placed to not interfere with play or line of site? Stakes all straight and clean? Cart path edges clean? Etc. etc... It's awesome to see how much the little details can make a complete difference.  Without golfers we don't have a job. Turf health is very important, but the clientele's happiness is everything.
     I never thought to promote the game, as I previously stated, I always operated under the guise that the course and the client were two different entities. When I first realized the error of my way I was ashamed and embarrassed. I immediately saw the difference between what I was and what the Assistants at the high end places were. I think I knew all along, I just needed to see it for myself. I have matured so much in the 5 months I have  been at my new position. So much so, that looking back at my previous posts makes me laugh a bit. I loved writing those, and there is still a lot that rings true, but as far as the thoughts I shared as to my own capabilities, I can gladly take my foot out of my mouth and take the accountability for my ignorance. I want to go back to my clientele at my previous course and apologize for being so oblivious to their needs and their experience. These are the only ways we can grow in life. To step back, say "Oops", apologize, and begin our march forward. Forward. The only direction that we need to move. I enjoy looking back every once in a while, it makes me happy to see how far I've come. It helps me to see that if the grass is greener on the other side, what am I doing wrong? I have never envied those with more, because if I want more, I go out and get it.

    You get a taste for what's next and it's usually always delicious. The excitement swells your heart and you can't help but want to push forward to take another bite. There will always be bitter, sour and unpleasant flavors, but that is what makes the taste of love, happiness, and success so sweet. I'm getting a plate full of what my future can be, for myself and my family... It's exciting and scary, but I have a good feeling that I'm ready. I have always had such good patience and that has brought me steady success. Taking my time to build my "castle" can only make it stronger. I have great respect for all the guys I am peers with in this industry, they are some of the hardest working guys I know. I am honored to be able to compete with them and no matter how many times I don't finish at the top, there will always be a next time.

 
      I have accomplished so much in life and it won't stop. Life and turfgrass share one glaring similarity, the more love and nurturing you put in, the more beautiful it becomes. You can never stop putting effort in to anything you do in life, no matter if you reached your "goal" or not. The nature of life is always changing and the moment you forget what it is you need to do or stop doing it, that is when all the hard work and sacrifice collapses. We can spend a lifetime building, but all it takes is a single moment to knock it down.

      I love you all my friends...

Et tu Brute?

     I find that when the mood strikes me to write, I'm always writing about topics that are related to relationships within life and find myself never truly inspired to discuss terms and events that revolve around the golf turf industry (i.e. fertilization techniques, proper diagnosis of irrigation uniformity in the various microclimates that exist on the golf landscape, etc.). There are tons of guys putting those out, and most have PHD's.  But you should never turn away good inspiration... which leads me to our topic for this post.

Morte di Giulio Cesare ("Death of Julius Caesar"). By Vincenzo Camuccini, 1798

   
     On this day, The Ides of March, in 44 B.C. Julius Caesar was assassinated, forever labeling this day as an act of cowardice and great deceit. Caesar's declaration by the Senate as dictator of the Roman Republic created an unrest with minority senators and they feared that he would attempt to overthrow the Senate and bring a tyrannical rule to the republic. The plot by Cassius and Brutus would prove detrimental to their cause, for the assassination of Caesar would go on the spark a civil war and the eventual Principate Era of the Roman Empire.

"Ok Jeff, so you brought us here for a history lesson?"

Not so much. But it does make the 5 years of Latin I took starting in 8th grade and highschool seem to be useful, but alas NO. More as a lesson to be learned from history. How many times have you been around a dominating figure that seem to push new, wild ideas on to you, or watched them push them on other people? Kind of annoying, right? Or inspiring? This is a lesson that I learned early on. The truth is there will always be somebody smarter than you somewhere in the world, or maybe just more adept to sharing and integrating new thoughts and practices. Human nature sees this "Ferryman" in two lights, one being illuminating and warm, while the other is blinding and burns. You either jump aboard or plot to sink it. You know the feelings... insecurity, fear, unrest, hate, being overshadowed or being outshined. You want to watch them fail so life goes back to normal. Your paradigm has be distorted and the uncomfortable feeling of change is all around you. Do you plot or do you wait? In my experience the plotters never win. "A" it shows something about your character that isn't very pleasing and "B" if you are that worried about it, than you need to step back and see what you AREN'T bringing to the table that has you focusing so much on others. I always say to new guys coming in that they can ask me anything, bring anything to the table they feel could help, and they will get the praise. I have been in too many situations where guys in my position have gone to great lengths to hold me down. Whether trying to slander my character or bring my mistakes to light, people who feel threatened can cause a lot of hurt to those who just mean well. So I embrace, nurture, and help the best I can to make those with good intentions grow. We all have our moments of weakness, but we build a bridge, plus if they can outwork me and prove they are better fit for the job, then I deserve to get outshined, because I obviously have not put the effort in to maintain my dominance in the workplace.
     "Et tu Brute?"
Don't be that enigmatic person. Be the person whose light attracts others. Put your knowledge and experience out there for all to feed off of and become stronger. There is only so much we can offer to the few people we have any influence over in life, so why not offer up the best that you have. Good habits, good advice, and a warm smile... Be the guide for those who wish to follow. There is nothing more rewarding in this world than to succeed through others. I have been lucky enough in my life to take what I have learned, been successful, and paid that forward to all those that wish it. My children are a shining example of that. My journey for knowledge is only at the beginning. I graduate from Rutgers Professional Golf Turf Management School in 5 days and what a journey it has been. I tear up a bit to type those words. 17 year in Golf Turf I have worked and I think of all the times I have fallen flat on my face in life, all the times I have made mistakes, all the trials..... I've dusted off each time, and I let nothing stop me, nor should you.

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”― Dr. Seuss

I love you all my friends... Work hard, Play hard, Love hard.

I'm not a Mercedes...

I'm finally back at the Rutger's Professional Golf Management School, and I will tell you, I missed it... The relationships you make when entrenched in a program as demanding and fast passed as this, is extraordinary... But a subject discussed today, dredged some old thoughts from the back of my mind.... Am I ever going to have the opportunity to put a small mark on the Golf Course community? The subject is one I have batted around for, jeez, at least a decade or so... Will the fact that I have chosen a certain type of employment (ie. not well known golf courses), stop me from putting MY stamp on this community... I have had many sleepless nights (cough, tonight, cough) just sitting up and putting together hypothetical plans and actions that I would like to take, when I can finally achieve a Superintendent position...

How would I nurture my crew? How can I provide a high standard of accountability and trust to my employer, colleagues, and employees alike? What step would I take to advance the success, both in reputation and fiscal standing? How would my family benefit? What steps do I need to take to put myself on track to achieve my goals? Goals..... What a force... The drive to better ones life and the ability to go and live that life... What goals do I have? Financial comfort? To be respected and lauded for my achievements? To have the ability to give my wife and children the experiences and comforts they deserve? All these questions and ideals weigh on the mind of a person at time... I guess, I just want to make the most of my life while I'm on this beautiful planet... To love harder than I loved the day before... To dream bigger than I did last night... To take the next step without fear of failure, or disappointment, from those I love and cherish. To leave this world, just a little happier than it was... I love that ideal... To just be... and be the best YOU, you can be... Through my faults and idiosyncrasies... Through my passion and loyalty... ME... Assistant at Augusta? No.. Valhalla? Nah... Pebble? Sawgrass? Shinnecock? Nope... I'm not a Mercedes... I come with no pretty lights, or fancy gadgets... No rear view camera, or wipers on my headlights... No leather, wood accents, AC, power windows, GPS, Sirius XM, bluetooth, or $10,000 of high performance tires...... I'm a 1981 Truck... diesel (Cummins), 4X4, quad cab (because I like to carry people), mud covered, scratch covered, heavy towing capability, high mileage... I have been smashed into a time or two, and still run... I can handle any job, big or small, without second thought... I am reliable in rain or snow, freezing temps or high arid heat... I don't get parked in a garage for fear of fading, or covered up... I'm not pretty or fancy, I carry no expectation to be treated better than other vehicles, or given preferred parking, due to my branding... I preform the tasks needed quickly and efficiently... All I ask is for sufficient amounts of fuel, regular maintenance to ensure I run smooth, and maybe a Pine Tree mirror freshener.... I like the smell of pine... Though if they made one that mimicked the sent of a Golf Course in the morning hours, I'd take that too..
As always.... Thank you, and I love you all... Work hard, play hard, love hard... GOODNIGHT!!

What's a Legacy?

leg•a•cy (ˈlɛg ə si) 

n., pl. -cies, 
adj. n.

1. (in a will) a gift of property, esp. personal property, as money; bequest.

2. anything handed down from the past, as from an ancestor or predecessor.

3. Obs. the office, function, or commission of a legate.

4. a student at or applicant to a college that was attended by his or her parent.

adj.

5. of or pertaining to old or outdated computer hardware, software, or data that, while still functional, does not work well with up-to-date systems.

     This holiday season has brought with it memories of holidays past... I remember the elation of being a child during the season of hope and purity. Embracing the love and tradition of the generations gathering to celebrate their legacy. To witness the unbridled joy given to by spouses, parents, children, grandchildren, etc etc... To see the gap in age disappear as The Carpenters and Johnny Mathis sing of holiday cheer, or as Bing Crosby opens his Connecticut Inn to celebrate the legacy of our fore fathers. Games and conversation, Manhattans and Martinis, beers and Crispix Mix, kisses under the mistletoe and hugs just to be close... What is the holidays if not to continue the passing down of joy, hope, belief, love, and togetherness of family and friends... the legacy continues... 


     I understand why now. Why my parents sacrifice so much for my brother and I, because at the end of the day, like Chuck Palahniuk writes: "You're not your job, you're not how much money you have in the bank, you're not the car you drive, you're not the contents of your wallet, you're not your f**kin' khakis..." I'm pretty sure Chuck was referring to a different concept, but for the sake of this, I using it to illustrate the effect a child has on your life. The ideal that we pass to our children the best things we remember from our parents and grandparents. To pass the virtues and sacrifices to them so that they may remember the best things about you and continue the cycle. The stories and reminiscing about the larger than life characters you portray of your parents and grandparents. They are beings that hung the moon and forged mountains with their bare hands. Their roar deafened and struck fear into Titans. They hugged tightly and their love melted glaciers.  They chiseled you into the man/woman you are today. I know not all people have the pleasure of having parents that carve patience, integrity and accountability, and mold morality and tolerance into a child, and then release them to a world of prejudice, intolerance, corruption, and laziness. Tools that one need to deflect and succeed. Tools that I try to pass down to my children.

     So I define Legacy as the steps I take in life to show my parents and grandparents that they succeeded. I want my legacy to my children and all the people I try to touch on a daily basis to be that of a genuine nature. To try to show that hard work, honesty, accountability, patience, passion, and sacrifice will always be the longer way to succeed in life, but that it also builds a stronger base so that when times get tough, you NEVER crumble under the weight. Look back to remember, but push forward to be remembered. 
    I love my mother and father... They have totally different styles when it comes to "dealing" with me... Thank you... I cherish the unconditional love, and I appreciate the constant "kicks in the ass", because I may not be wealthy monetarily, but you can bet your ass, I have the wealth of character, the strength of mind and the liver of a German- Swede... I love my pride... I stew in  my arrogance... I bathe in my depravity... But I live in my humility... The people I have had the pleasure of sharing times with in my life are few and fortuitous... From my excellent mother who taught me the pleasures of life, to my father who taught me how to achieve those pleasure, with blood and sweat, to my strength Douglas Hill, (sorry to name drop), but aside from the power that is Roland Swanson, Doug  Hill is part of the blood that pumps through my veins... If my father is the foundation of me, then Doug is the pillar.. To my friend Aaron Carlisle Benson... Where ever you are now, you have  pushed your legacy of good will and acceptance to me, to my friend Bert Fletcher, who showed me that a good time is what you make of the time you have... To the "Loki" of my life Michael Corbin... The man who taught me to enjoy the fruits of life that only a man can enjoy, to live each moment as you wished it, not as others saw fit... To Dutch Nonnenberg... Who taught me a loving touch and a caring nature spread farther than the mind could ever imagine... To my Brother Michael Swanson, who showed me growing up is one ass kick away from hitting rock bottom... To my wife who found me at rock bottom, and showed me success is a long, vertical, painful climb, that only gets sweeter the more you overcome you own personal limitations to find you can achieve anything... She let me care for a step-son who showed me that "handicap" is only if you let it be a handicap... Let me watch a step-daughter grow into one of the finest women I've ever known in my life... and gave me a son that, let me see that true love, is only one blink away, from being the only thing you've ever known... 



My legacy is the Grandfather Swanson, that tamed beasts with the melody of a whistle and loved his family with a smile and embrace that could destroy planets... The Grandmother Swanson, that cradled all 20+ grandchildren and 10+ great-grandchildren effortlessly... a women who sacrificed moments of her life watching the man she created that legacy with, wither away, but never losing hope or showing the slightest bit of weakness to her family, as Alzheimer's took her husband... My legacy is the Grandfather Short, who bent the wills of men with his voice and handshake... Who dedicated himself to his family and charity... Who taught me that the only way you could fail in life, is giving up... A laugh that took broke the strength of men and brought them to their knees, a handshake that was bound with integrity, honesty, devotion, and a ferocity to drive forward... a hug that forged steel and molded men... 
My Elaine... My fortune... gave me two uncles that pushed me to look beyond the walls of normal childhood... Uncles that never pushed me aside or told me to leave... Jeff... Kevin... Men... that saw a child of wonder and nurtured the SH*T out of it...
A Grandmother Short, that arose from the ashes as a Phoenix...  Devout... Showed me that belief can carry the strongest of us over the greatest obstacles... Showed me that forgiveness is more than just a word, but the foundation of love... 

A mother...... How does this begin? Where does this end? It doesn't... The words you try to find for the being that carried you in her body for 9 months, then carried you in her heart for a lifetime, is impossible... The woman who punished then cried, whom hugged then laughed, whom never let you go, no matter how far you moved from her... To say you know how to thank a person like Diane Swanson, would be a lie... You can only pray that a woman like that can understand...

The saying: "A man will always marry a woman like his mother."

Yeah... That sh*t is true... My wife is awesome!!! Never go against the women you love...

This is why I call it Golf... I love all you mutants that read my action!!!! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! Thank You!

To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you lived. This is to have succeeded.Ralph Waldo Emerson