Angel of my Life...

     What is the true meaning of success? Happiness? We all know there is no one answer to this question. We all view them in completely different lights. Whether you want fame, fortune, health, family, etc. The list has many inputs, but gratefully, I can answer those questions for myself.

     I have had so many different points in my life where I have felt successful, where I have been overwhelmed with happiness, and today is another landmark day.

     Let me start by telling you a story. A tale that is still being written as you read this, and it's about an angel. She was very little when I first met her, just about 6, and I was a lost young man still in my early 20's and just about to hit to bottom. I had made a move looking to continue my education in golf and the pieces I needed, just weren't falling my way. I had just started dating the most amazing women, and she had this angel. Of course for some reason life always has this great way of testing your resolve, putting you in situations where the descisions you make will shape the way you mature. My housing fell through, my money was slim, and my future was hazy at best, but this woman found it acceptable to bring  this lost boy into her home. I had only known this majestic woman for 2 months and now we were living together, with her two children may I add. This little angel, this young girl, changed everything for me. It was the first time since living with my parents I had felt unconditional love. It is unorthodox for an immature and nieve boy, like I was, to wake up and become a man. Immediately I stopped the bad habits and feeling victimized, because it wasn't just me anymore. I had 3 lives, other than my own, that relied on me for support, nurturing, and love. I dove in head first, oblivious to what needed to be done. None of that mattered, because I was needed. Life had a meaning. So tiny, this angel was, who would curl up on my chest to fall asleep. I was hypnotized. She cried at night and I ran to her. There is a comfort in being needed that out weighs every selfish thought you have. They slowly felt like they were mine, and nothing was going to take that from me. 

     

     Days, weeks, and months all turned to years. We were never a family with financial stability, but our family was strong. I married that amazing woman, had a son, and that angel did everything to help raise him and her older brother, whom fights with being mentally challanged. She was asked to grow up fast, she was burdened with the mantle of being the leader of the family, while my wife and I worked to keep afloat. Not a second thought, never questioned her role, and she helped hold our family together. As my career began to take shape, and we all know that in the Golf Course business, having the ability or desire to move where work is, is almost a must. I uprooted her from everything she knew growing up, a 1000 miles away, to a strange land that she was told was for a better life. Again, never a second thought and never a question, just helped anyway she could to keep the family together. When I went back to college to finally finish my schooling, I was separated from my family for 20 weeks, and though it was tough, she just kept going. She helped keep the family together. By this time she had grown and blossomed into this amazing young lady, who owned everthing about her future. An honor student, A.P. classes, full schedule of Honors courses, all in preparation for her jump to college after her senior year. A working girl, while balancing a insane school schedule, a boy-friend and her role in the family circle. Things that a young woman shouldn't have to worry about, and just enjoy being young and in-love.  But it just couldn't be that easy for her, her highschool career wasn't going to have a fairytale ending like it should have, because my career came calling once again, and a move had to be made. Haven't I done enough to disrupt this poor angels life. I tried to hold out, tried to let her enjoy the experience of being a normal teenage girl. Now I had to make the move alone to start. School is still in session and I need to be at my new job. Again I have to ask too much, and again never a second thought, never a question, and this time she had plans of her own.

     

     Without being pressured, she desided to make her own fairytale ending to her highschool career.  Telling her I would try my hardest to stay and let her graduate with her friends, with all that falling through, she stepped up and found a way. Duel enrollment. She would take classes through the local community college to earn enough credits to graduate a year early, and finish highschool the way she planned. I well-up with emotion just typing those words. What an absolutely amazing young woman. What a strong, confident, and independent woman. I can count on one hand the moments in life I have felt complete amazement. Marriage, child birth, college graduation, and now I can add the resolve and perserverance of my angel. The ability at that age to look into a situation with that magnitude, not be happy with the eventual outcome, and alter the outcome to your favor by NOT accepting failure. ASTOUNDING!!! I was so proud, as a parent in that moment, and to do it with only 2 months preparation. 

     My angel, Hannah Elise Benton, will graduate from highschool on HER terms. She rocked the SAT, she put her head down and applied to colleges, and today she received her first acceptance letter (One of many I forsee). She is an inspiration to me. She is my Buddha, my little bean, my princess, and my Angel. She is my frustration at times and my loss of sleep. She is my rock. She is one of three of the best decisions I've ever made in life. She is my daughter....

     A man who can raise a family in the golf course business, knows that the family has to be onboard, because most of the time the family comes, seemingly second, to the 200 acre canvas that is a golf course. They are always, and will always be first to me, that is why I do what I do. That is why I live 200 miles away from them and only see them 4 days a month. That's why I work 28 days without a day off, just to see them. They will make the move to follow me in late June. I CAN'T WAIT!!  The commitment it strenuous...... The rewards..... are forever!!! And they call it golf.

I love you all my friends... Work hard... play hard... love hard.

The Grass will ALWAYS be Greener...

     It has been nearly 6 months since I last posted, and SO much has changed in such a little time. For starters I'm clean shaven for the first time since I was 18 and I'm growing my hair back out for the first time in almost as long. I also want to take a moment to apologize for some of my ignorance in some of my previous posts. I have been on this war path for so long about the difference between the guys that work at top name clubs and guys that work the more blue collared tracks, saying that it shouldn't matter where you come from as long as you can do the job that needs done... This was a folly on my part. I wanted to believe that I was being groomed and grooming myself to be successful in this business, that all I needed was a chance to shine and all would be proven... What a fool... A naive and arrogant fool... There is a definitive separation between the two, and that is evident now that I have an Assistants position at golf course that operates on that high level. Details.. Oh man is it night and day, as well as a swift kick to the ego... I have always loved golf turf, and equally, I have always loved my clientele, these values haven't change. Instead I now realize that the two are not mutually exclusive, they are one. To strive for perfection in the industry of golf, you must strive for not only the healthiest turf, but, also deliver the best playing conditions for the sole purpose to promote the game of golf and provide the highest level of clientele satisfaction on a DAILY basis. I was told that the difference between a Agronomic Superintendent and a Golf Course Superintendent, is one focuses on turf health and sustainability, while the other focuses on those, as well as the clientele's experience. By experience I don't mean how they played, I mean, is every last detail attended to? Course length fair to weather conditions, pin placements and tee markers corresponding to mix up a different feel from hole to hole, day to day? Are bunkers prepped? Rakes clean and placed neatly? Benches for sitting? Are they placed to not interfere with play or line of site? Stakes all straight and clean? Cart path edges clean? Etc. etc... It's awesome to see how much the little details can make a complete difference.  Without golfers we don't have a job. Turf health is very important, but the clientele's happiness is everything.
     I never thought to promote the game, as I previously stated, I always operated under the guise that the course and the client were two different entities. When I first realized the error of my way I was ashamed and embarrassed. I immediately saw the difference between what I was and what the Assistants at the high end places were. I think I knew all along, I just needed to see it for myself. I have matured so much in the 5 months I have  been at my new position. So much so, that looking back at my previous posts makes me laugh a bit. I loved writing those, and there is still a lot that rings true, but as far as the thoughts I shared as to my own capabilities, I can gladly take my foot out of my mouth and take the accountability for my ignorance. I want to go back to my clientele at my previous course and apologize for being so oblivious to their needs and their experience. These are the only ways we can grow in life. To step back, say "Oops", apologize, and begin our march forward. Forward. The only direction that we need to move. I enjoy looking back every once in a while, it makes me happy to see how far I've come. It helps me to see that if the grass is greener on the other side, what am I doing wrong? I have never envied those with more, because if I want more, I go out and get it.

    You get a taste for what's next and it's usually always delicious. The excitement swells your heart and you can't help but want to push forward to take another bite. There will always be bitter, sour and unpleasant flavors, but that is what makes the taste of love, happiness, and success so sweet. I'm getting a plate full of what my future can be, for myself and my family... It's exciting and scary, but I have a good feeling that I'm ready. I have always had such good patience and that has brought me steady success. Taking my time to build my "castle" can only make it stronger. I have great respect for all the guys I am peers with in this industry, they are some of the hardest working guys I know. I am honored to be able to compete with them and no matter how many times I don't finish at the top, there will always be a next time.

 
      I have accomplished so much in life and it won't stop. Life and turfgrass share one glaring similarity, the more love and nurturing you put in, the more beautiful it becomes. You can never stop putting effort in to anything you do in life, no matter if you reached your "goal" or not. The nature of life is always changing and the moment you forget what it is you need to do or stop doing it, that is when all the hard work and sacrifice collapses. We can spend a lifetime building, but all it takes is a single moment to knock it down.

      I love you all my friends...