Angel of my Life...

     What is the true meaning of success? Happiness? We all know there is no one answer to this question. We all view them in completely different lights. Whether you want fame, fortune, health, family, etc. The list has many inputs, but gratefully, I can answer those questions for myself.

     I have had so many different points in my life where I have felt successful, where I have been overwhelmed with happiness, and today is another landmark day.

     Let me start by telling you a story. A tale that is still being written as you read this, and it's about an angel. She was very little when I first met her, just about 6, and I was a lost young man still in my early 20's and just about to hit to bottom. I had made a move looking to continue my education in golf and the pieces I needed, just weren't falling my way. I had just started dating the most amazing women, and she had this angel. Of course for some reason life always has this great way of testing your resolve, putting you in situations where the descisions you make will shape the way you mature. My housing fell through, my money was slim, and my future was hazy at best, but this woman found it acceptable to bring  this lost boy into her home. I had only known this majestic woman for 2 months and now we were living together, with her two children may I add. This little angel, this young girl, changed everything for me. It was the first time since living with my parents I had felt unconditional love. It is unorthodox for an immature and nieve boy, like I was, to wake up and become a man. Immediately I stopped the bad habits and feeling victimized, because it wasn't just me anymore. I had 3 lives, other than my own, that relied on me for support, nurturing, and love. I dove in head first, oblivious to what needed to be done. None of that mattered, because I was needed. Life had a meaning. So tiny, this angel was, who would curl up on my chest to fall asleep. I was hypnotized. She cried at night and I ran to her. There is a comfort in being needed that out weighs every selfish thought you have. They slowly felt like they were mine, and nothing was going to take that from me. 

     

     Days, weeks, and months all turned to years. We were never a family with financial stability, but our family was strong. I married that amazing woman, had a son, and that angel did everything to help raise him and her older brother, whom fights with being mentally challanged. She was asked to grow up fast, she was burdened with the mantle of being the leader of the family, while my wife and I worked to keep afloat. Not a second thought, never questioned her role, and she helped hold our family together. As my career began to take shape, and we all know that in the Golf Course business, having the ability or desire to move where work is, is almost a must. I uprooted her from everything she knew growing up, a 1000 miles away, to a strange land that she was told was for a better life. Again, never a second thought and never a question, just helped anyway she could to keep the family together. When I went back to college to finally finish my schooling, I was separated from my family for 20 weeks, and though it was tough, she just kept going. She helped keep the family together. By this time she had grown and blossomed into this amazing young lady, who owned everthing about her future. An honor student, A.P. classes, full schedule of Honors courses, all in preparation for her jump to college after her senior year. A working girl, while balancing a insane school schedule, a boy-friend and her role in the family circle. Things that a young woman shouldn't have to worry about, and just enjoy being young and in-love.  But it just couldn't be that easy for her, her highschool career wasn't going to have a fairytale ending like it should have, because my career came calling once again, and a move had to be made. Haven't I done enough to disrupt this poor angels life. I tried to hold out, tried to let her enjoy the experience of being a normal teenage girl. Now I had to make the move alone to start. School is still in session and I need to be at my new job. Again I have to ask too much, and again never a second thought, never a question, and this time she had plans of her own.

     

     Without being pressured, she desided to make her own fairytale ending to her highschool career.  Telling her I would try my hardest to stay and let her graduate with her friends, with all that falling through, she stepped up and found a way. Duel enrollment. She would take classes through the local community college to earn enough credits to graduate a year early, and finish highschool the way she planned. I well-up with emotion just typing those words. What an absolutely amazing young woman. What a strong, confident, and independent woman. I can count on one hand the moments in life I have felt complete amazement. Marriage, child birth, college graduation, and now I can add the resolve and perserverance of my angel. The ability at that age to look into a situation with that magnitude, not be happy with the eventual outcome, and alter the outcome to your favor by NOT accepting failure. ASTOUNDING!!! I was so proud, as a parent in that moment, and to do it with only 2 months preparation. 

     My angel, Hannah Elise Benton, will graduate from highschool on HER terms. She rocked the SAT, she put her head down and applied to colleges, and today she received her first acceptance letter (One of many I forsee). She is an inspiration to me. She is my Buddha, my little bean, my princess, and my Angel. She is my frustration at times and my loss of sleep. She is my rock. She is one of three of the best decisions I've ever made in life. She is my daughter....

     A man who can raise a family in the golf course business, knows that the family has to be onboard, because most of the time the family comes, seemingly second, to the 200 acre canvas that is a golf course. They are always, and will always be first to me, that is why I do what I do. That is why I live 200 miles away from them and only see them 4 days a month. That's why I work 28 days without a day off, just to see them. They will make the move to follow me in late June. I CAN'T WAIT!!  The commitment it strenuous...... The rewards..... are forever!!! And they call it golf.

I love you all my friends... Work hard... play hard... love hard.

The Grass will ALWAYS be Greener...

     It has been nearly 6 months since I last posted, and SO much has changed in such a little time. For starters I'm clean shaven for the first time since I was 18 and I'm growing my hair back out for the first time in almost as long. I also want to take a moment to apologize for some of my ignorance in some of my previous posts. I have been on this war path for so long about the difference between the guys that work at top name clubs and guys that work the more blue collared tracks, saying that it shouldn't matter where you come from as long as you can do the job that needs done... This was a folly on my part. I wanted to believe that I was being groomed and grooming myself to be successful in this business, that all I needed was a chance to shine and all would be proven... What a fool... A naive and arrogant fool... There is a definitive separation between the two, and that is evident now that I have an Assistants position at golf course that operates on that high level. Details.. Oh man is it night and day, as well as a swift kick to the ego... I have always loved golf turf, and equally, I have always loved my clientele, these values haven't change. Instead I now realize that the two are not mutually exclusive, they are one. To strive for perfection in the industry of golf, you must strive for not only the healthiest turf, but, also deliver the best playing conditions for the sole purpose to promote the game of golf and provide the highest level of clientele satisfaction on a DAILY basis. I was told that the difference between a Agronomic Superintendent and a Golf Course Superintendent, is one focuses on turf health and sustainability, while the other focuses on those, as well as the clientele's experience. By experience I don't mean how they played, I mean, is every last detail attended to? Course length fair to weather conditions, pin placements and tee markers corresponding to mix up a different feel from hole to hole, day to day? Are bunkers prepped? Rakes clean and placed neatly? Benches for sitting? Are they placed to not interfere with play or line of site? Stakes all straight and clean? Cart path edges clean? Etc. etc... It's awesome to see how much the little details can make a complete difference.  Without golfers we don't have a job. Turf health is very important, but the clientele's happiness is everything.
     I never thought to promote the game, as I previously stated, I always operated under the guise that the course and the client were two different entities. When I first realized the error of my way I was ashamed and embarrassed. I immediately saw the difference between what I was and what the Assistants at the high end places were. I think I knew all along, I just needed to see it for myself. I have matured so much in the 5 months I have  been at my new position. So much so, that looking back at my previous posts makes me laugh a bit. I loved writing those, and there is still a lot that rings true, but as far as the thoughts I shared as to my own capabilities, I can gladly take my foot out of my mouth and take the accountability for my ignorance. I want to go back to my clientele at my previous course and apologize for being so oblivious to their needs and their experience. These are the only ways we can grow in life. To step back, say "Oops", apologize, and begin our march forward. Forward. The only direction that we need to move. I enjoy looking back every once in a while, it makes me happy to see how far I've come. It helps me to see that if the grass is greener on the other side, what am I doing wrong? I have never envied those with more, because if I want more, I go out and get it.

    You get a taste for what's next and it's usually always delicious. The excitement swells your heart and you can't help but want to push forward to take another bite. There will always be bitter, sour and unpleasant flavors, but that is what makes the taste of love, happiness, and success so sweet. I'm getting a plate full of what my future can be, for myself and my family... It's exciting and scary, but I have a good feeling that I'm ready. I have always had such good patience and that has brought me steady success. Taking my time to build my "castle" can only make it stronger. I have great respect for all the guys I am peers with in this industry, they are some of the hardest working guys I know. I am honored to be able to compete with them and no matter how many times I don't finish at the top, there will always be a next time.

 
      I have accomplished so much in life and it won't stop. Life and turfgrass share one glaring similarity, the more love and nurturing you put in, the more beautiful it becomes. You can never stop putting effort in to anything you do in life, no matter if you reached your "goal" or not. The nature of life is always changing and the moment you forget what it is you need to do or stop doing it, that is when all the hard work and sacrifice collapses. We can spend a lifetime building, but all it takes is a single moment to knock it down.

      I love you all my friends...

Et tu Brute?

     I find that when the mood strikes me to write, I'm always writing about topics that are related to relationships within life and find myself never truly inspired to discuss terms and events that revolve around the golf turf industry (i.e. fertilization techniques, proper diagnosis of irrigation uniformity in the various microclimates that exist on the golf landscape, etc.). There are tons of guys putting those out, and most have PHD's.  But you should never turn away good inspiration... which leads me to our topic for this post.

Morte di Giulio Cesare ("Death of Julius Caesar"). By Vincenzo Camuccini, 1798

   
     On this day, The Ides of March, in 44 B.C. Julius Caesar was assassinated, forever labeling this day as an act of cowardice and great deceit. Caesar's declaration by the Senate as dictator of the Roman Republic created an unrest with minority senators and they feared that he would attempt to overthrow the Senate and bring a tyrannical rule to the republic. The plot by Cassius and Brutus would prove detrimental to their cause, for the assassination of Caesar would go on the spark a civil war and the eventual Principate Era of the Roman Empire.

"Ok Jeff, so you brought us here for a history lesson?"

Not so much. But it does make the 5 years of Latin I took starting in 8th grade and highschool seem to be useful, but alas NO. More as a lesson to be learned from history. How many times have you been around a dominating figure that seem to push new, wild ideas on to you, or watched them push them on other people? Kind of annoying, right? Or inspiring? This is a lesson that I learned early on. The truth is there will always be somebody smarter than you somewhere in the world, or maybe just more adept to sharing and integrating new thoughts and practices. Human nature sees this "Ferryman" in two lights, one being illuminating and warm, while the other is blinding and burns. You either jump aboard or plot to sink it. You know the feelings... insecurity, fear, unrest, hate, being overshadowed or being outshined. You want to watch them fail so life goes back to normal. Your paradigm has be distorted and the uncomfortable feeling of change is all around you. Do you plot or do you wait? In my experience the plotters never win. "A" it shows something about your character that isn't very pleasing and "B" if you are that worried about it, than you need to step back and see what you AREN'T bringing to the table that has you focusing so much on others. I always say to new guys coming in that they can ask me anything, bring anything to the table they feel could help, and they will get the praise. I have been in too many situations where guys in my position have gone to great lengths to hold me down. Whether trying to slander my character or bring my mistakes to light, people who feel threatened can cause a lot of hurt to those who just mean well. So I embrace, nurture, and help the best I can to make those with good intentions grow. We all have our moments of weakness, but we build a bridge, plus if they can outwork me and prove they are better fit for the job, then I deserve to get outshined, because I obviously have not put the effort in to maintain my dominance in the workplace.
     "Et tu Brute?"
Don't be that enigmatic person. Be the person whose light attracts others. Put your knowledge and experience out there for all to feed off of and become stronger. There is only so much we can offer to the few people we have any influence over in life, so why not offer up the best that you have. Good habits, good advice, and a warm smile... Be the guide for those who wish to follow. There is nothing more rewarding in this world than to succeed through others. I have been lucky enough in my life to take what I have learned, been successful, and paid that forward to all those that wish it. My children are a shining example of that. My journey for knowledge is only at the beginning. I graduate from Rutgers Professional Golf Turf Management School in 5 days and what a journey it has been. I tear up a bit to type those words. 17 year in Golf Turf I have worked and I think of all the times I have fallen flat on my face in life, all the times I have made mistakes, all the trials..... I've dusted off each time, and I let nothing stop me, nor should you.

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”― Dr. Seuss

I love you all my friends... Work hard, Play hard, Love hard.

The First Brush Stroke is the Hardest...

DaVinci (Head of a Woman)

     I remember looking into my son's face just after he was born and thinking that everything I do as a father from this point on will determine who or what he would eventually become. It is a daunting task, because you are so careful and often hesitant to make that first stroke, for when the brush hits the canvas, there is no turning back. So that first brush stroke is the hardest because that will set in motion the final outcome of the work. Can't erase it and you can try to cover it up, but the effects could be too obvious. So you sit back and wonder how you would like it to look. The most frustrating inevitability is that after too long the painting will get a chance to begin to paint itself and all you can hope for at that point is you've laid the basis of the work going forward. I'm sure my parents look at me from time to time and say: "Didn't think he would've turned out like that." Not saying that's a bad thing, just that the ideals we often paint in our minds never really get to make it to the canvas, and quite often what ends up on the canvas, is a whole hell of a lot better than what we could ever have dreamed. Oh... and guess what? It never stops. You are being painted right now as you read this, and I am being painted right now as I type. The process is infinite. Even if you don't want to paint, that choice is what you are painting on somebody RIGHT NOW! OH MY HEAD!!! This is getting into some deep universal thought now boys and girls. Actions and choices that stretch across vast planes of conscious and unconscious processes that manipulate the futures of countless entities tangled in the threads of your astral web of influence.... (BREATHE)... It's true.

Dong Yuan (Song Dynasty)

"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction."

-Sir Isaac Newton

It's real... The choices you make effect the lives and choices of all those around you. Even if it's so minuscule you never notice it. I try my hardest to share a little bit of my wisdom with those around me. My wife would say I'm being sort of pompous for imposing my thoughts and opinions on others, and maybe she is right, but an honest opposition can be the catalyst for a change in direction. You will never change the person that you are, but the slightest brush stroke could alter the outcome of the magnum opus vitae. 

Gustav Klimt (The Kiss)

The time is now... The paints aren't always the finest quality... The canvas may be tattered and torn... But... To be a great friend, lover, spouse, mentor, or parent is all we need. The riches of hard work, love, and happiness are all the that drives true passion to live each day for the success of that final masterpiece. Pick up the brush... Find the canvas... and paint!! Oh, and don't be afraid to let those you love in life add to the amazing work of art that is YOU. 

I love you all my friends... Work hard, play hard, love hard...

di Michelino (Fresco from "La Divina Commedia")

Salvador Dali (Galatea of the Spheres)

van Gogh (Starry Night)

How do you want your J.L. Swanson prepared?

Before I get a backlash, we all know I went with this picture to add a little sex appeal to this blog... HEY! I gotta try to find a way to get people to actually want to care about the stuff I write. But as usual I digress... To the MEAT of this post...

Anyway... How do you package yourself to prospective employers... This is the biggest challenge in the professional world today. At any given point we could be competing with anywhere from a 100 to 1000's of people applying for the same position. Personally I like my odds in a "Thunderdome" style elimination process. But sadly that doesn't count in this situation. I recently read a blog post on Turfnet about 8 things to consider when preparing a resume. Now the thing that really stuck with me about it, was the suggestion to shorten your resume to a condensed for forgoing most bullets and achievement, but to rely more on the job title, place worked, and years served... What sucks about this is any company name, or in the turf world circumstance, course name, can really have an affect on the consideration of employment. Fair? Not always, but real, yes... To have the ability to stick a Pebble Beach, TPC Sawgrass, Bethpage, Augusta, Baltustrol, etc etc, can really hold sway over the process of narrowing down applicants... So, now the question is, how does J.L. Swanson take his less than notable course resume, and package it for success? Well, I believe that the next factor would have to be based on variety and experience. I got that if I can elaborate a bit on my resume. Leader of men, motivator, persistent, a problem-solver, solution oriented, accountable, but we've seen these things and more a thousand times. But in defense of the blog piece, maybe elaborating is a negative? If the employers reading resumes, they'll probably read the same crap on every resume. Can't you see a committee, or individual reading the first few sentences, rolling their eyes, opening up the document seeing the name Augusta and moving to the "Good" pile, doing the same to the next, seeing Blah Golf Course and whipping it to the recycle bin. Yup... You know it. So what then? If I shorten it up, I lose the bulk of my presentation. If I over saturate it I lose my flavor. They're task to find the perfect fit has them rifling through a mountain of resumes... I would have to say from talking to some (I emphasize some) assistants at top courses, they are just waiting for their turn to be on the plate, a little arrogant, seen it done at the top, and thinking that they have a lock on how it needs to be done. But the little guy, the guy in the wake of all this, he's hungry. He thinks outside the box, reinvents himself to accommodate the needs of those variables around himself. He's seen the mistakes, the pressure of having to make a monetary decision based on limited funds, seen the least expensive route to achieve an ultimate goal, implemented an IPM program to scout for demons in the shadows, and held a crews morale together in the heat of disarray. When you drag yourself through the mud, and assume the mantle of leadership in a less privileged arena, the blood tastes more metallic, the sweat is saltier, and the muscle is leaner. Victory tastes sweeter and faltering is more bitter. The job becomes an earned blessing, not an expected result. This is the difference between me and most other wannabe superintendents. I have been lucky enough to have two men in the agronomy business whom have mentored me with honesty and nurtured my talents, while communicating my areas of growth.. Will I always succeed on a daily basis? No and to say I would represents true arrogance. Instead I will face each day with a mantra I share with each and every person I know. "Prepare for the worst, hope for the best, work with a thirst, and love hard today but harder the next." We exist on this plain to ensure the success of our legacy. Everything I do, I do thinking of my grandchildren... Don't have any yet (thank god), and I'll never be ready, but to think you can set an expectation on variables you have no control over is a falsehood. Stop... Close your eyes... Breathe deep...  and smile, your still breathing... The path to true success and happiness can only be carved by you. Never back track... Allow yourself to fall every now and again, but get up... If you need to rest, do it for only a moment, maintain momentum, you'll need it to push forward... I have faith in myself to dredge though the mire... If I have to bring a few of you with me, than so be it... Just hold on tight, because I try to never look back for too long... OH and go ahead and take a bite... I usually grill up perfect to your order... ;)

I love you all, my friends.... Work hard, Play hard, Love hard...

Build a bridge...

It is amazing to me that in the short time that I will be inhabiting this earth the amount of joy one can strip from life. Small victories are the key... I mean, just hold a door, greet someone with a smile, or just seek somebody out whom you haven't seen or talked to in a while and you immediately feel energized. What is life if not to be fully engrossed in the art of interaction. I love to try to thank everyone I see on a daily basis in a small way just to see their reaction... It's funny, but my time in Jersey has provided some interesting responses. Yesterday I was at the deli getting some thin sliced pastrami (drool) and swiss so I could make myself a sexy hot sandwich, and every time the "deli-master", or what ever the proper term may be, initiated conversation, I responded in a uber-polite manner... This kat, I think, thought I was high. He just smirked and responded "OK?"... At the end of our transaction, I offered my hand for a handshake and a thank you... When did normal human interaction become such a lost art... I think he thought I was an asshole. Amazing. Then again most people I meet I feel think I'm an arrogant fool. My grandfather taught me this art very well, and I feel that the practice of humanity has been lost somewhere. I care so at times I can be blunt, does this make someone an asshole? I don't know... We can all be a bit judgmental at times I feel, myself included. I am more turned to the darkside by those that practice a disrespectful nature on a regular basis... I'm never going to be liked by every person I meet, but it doesn't mean I don't care... I was given wonderful tutelage by an excellent grandfather on how to "be"... I have a small example that just happened to me today...

    I reached out to a sales rep today, just for a few simple questions I wished to be answered... It turned out this rep was in the midst of a very unfortunate personal matter and when it was explained to me through text messaging, I became very emotionally distressed... Why? I have very little interaction with this person, I am not privy to anything in their personal life, and I am just an Assistant, I don't even deal with said person... So why? Because... because I have an attachment to this person on a professional and respect-bound basis... Literally, I welled up and my heart hurts for "my friend"... This is what I like to think "personal investment" is... To attach yourself to those directly or indirectly in your life... Invested interest in people and the humanization of every aspect of life... The highs with this practice are HIGH, an the lows are low, but as Chuck Palahniuk says in his book  Invisible Monsters:

"The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open."

You have to have a little faith in humanity, or you're just a fool... One day somebody will risk it and make me a leader of men on a golf course.... To those people I say: "I won't disappoint you." 

We thrive and prosper due to the fact we can interact on such a high plain of cerebral existence. It's what makes waking up each day the greatest feeling in the world. I have a whole other chance to see what the day has to offer.. We all have the penchant to be assholes, and I'm not perfect in any way....

"Perfection is unattainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence." -Vince Lombardi

I love you all, my friends... Work hard, Play hard, Love hard.....